Get Down Off That High Horse

Happy Sunday, Beautiful!

Today's Sunday Soul Stir may not get many hoorays. You may not repost it. You may not even like it.

In fact, it may make you feel some kinda way. And that's okay.

Because sometimes when new information enters our system and challenges something we've believed about ourselves, our first response isn't always openness. Sometimes we get edgy. Defensive. Irritated. Sometimes we even get angry with the person delivering the message.

So before you get mad at me today, just sit with this one for a minute. Because I want to talk about something I believe we desperately need more of in this world: GRACE.

Not grace for ourselves. We're usually pretty good at asking for that. I'm talking about grace for other people.

There's a powerful reminder in Titus 3. Paul essentially tells the believers: Remember—you weren't always who you are now either. There was a time when you didn't know what you know.

A time when you made decisions you wouldn't make today.

A time when you believed things you've since outgrown.

A time when you were struggling with something you've now mastered.

And Scripture reminds us that our transformation wasn't simply because we suddenly became so righteous. Mercy met us. Grace met us. And somewhere along the way, some of us forgot.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to judge somebody who's struggling with something you've already overcome?

You used to struggle with your weight. Then you lost the weight. Now you're looking at someone else, wondering why they can't just “get disciplined.” Baby...remember when that was you.

You spent years single, wondering whether love would ever find you. Then you finally got married. Now you're giving speeches about women who “can't keep a man. Sis...remember when that was you.

Maybe you struggled financially. Then you learned how to manage money. Now you can't understand why somebody else can't get it together.

Maybe you struggled with your confidence.

Your marriage.

Your children.

Your business.

Your faith.

Your boundaries.

Your self-worth.

Your healing.

And now you've grown. Beautiful. Celebrate your growth. Teach what you've learned.

Help somebody else. But don't let your victory make you arrogant about somebody else's struggle.

Because here's the truth: We are ALL still dealing with something we haven't mastered yet. Every single one of us.

There's an area where you're still learning. Still falling. Still misunderstanding. Still growing.

Still trying to get it right.

And in that area...don't you want somebody to give you grace?

Don't you want somebody to understand that you're trying?

Don't you want someone to believe you're more than your worst moment?

Don't you want forgiveness when you genuinely apologize?

Don't you want somebody to look beyond what you did and still see you? Of course you do.

So why are we sometimes so reluctant to give other people what we're constantly asking God and others to give us? Forgiveness and grace.

We Have Forgotten How to Love

I've been thinking deeply about this. And I've come to believe that somewhere along the way...we have fundamentally forgotten how to love one another.

We know how to correct. We know how to cancel. We know how to cut people off.

We know how to prove our point. We know how to tell people what they should have done.

We know how to hold onto something somebody did ten years ago and make sure they never forget it.

But do we still know how to love? Do we know how to forgive? And I'm not talking about pretending something didn't hurt. I'm not talking about remaining in harmful relationships. I'm not talking about abandoning boundaries. And forgiveness does not mean reconciliation is always appropriate.

I'm talking about something much deeper. Can I release my need to punish you forever for being human? Whew. Because sometimes we say we've forgiven someone... but we keep them in an emotional courtroom. We are the prosecutor. The judge. The jury. And every few months, we reopen the case.

Get Down Off the Horse

So today, I'm asking all of us—including myself— to get down off the high horse. Before you judge someone else's struggle...remember yours. Before you criticize someone's ignorance...remember what you once didn't know.

Before you become impatient with someone's process...remember how long yours took. Before you decide someone should “know better”... remember the things you know better about and still haven't completely mastered.

Before you withhold forgiveness...remember how many times you've needed it. And before you reduce someone to the worst thing they've ever done...ask yourself whether you would want your entire life defined by yours. That question will humble you quickly.

Growth Should Make Us Softer, Not Harder

I've been around long enough now to recognize something. Real growth should make us more compassionate—not more superior.

If your healing makes you look down on people who haven't healed yet, something is missing.

If your success makes you despise people who are still struggling, something is missing.

If your spirituality makes you feel superior to people who are still searching, something is missing.

If your knowledge makes you impatient with people who haven't learned what you've learned...something is missing.

Because the deeper I go with God, the more aware I become of how much grace has carried me. And that realization doesn't make me feel superior. It humbles me.

Everybody Won't See It As You Do

I've also recently made peace with something else. Not everybody will see life the way I do. Everybody won't agree with me. Not everyone will interpret situations the way I do.

And I no longer want to spend precious energy trying to convince everybody: I'm right, and you're wrong.

What if I can disagree with you without diminishing you?

What if I can establish a boundary without hating you?

What if I can acknowledge that you hurt me without making hurting you back my mission?

What if I can release you without needing to destroy your reputation?

What if I can say: “I don't agree with what you did. I may not even be able to continue this relationship in the same way. But I refuse to let what happened turn my heart hard.”

That's a different kind of freedom.

Because One Day, It Will Be Me

And perhaps this is what keeps me humble. One day, I'll need grace again. Heck, I need it every day.

I will misunderstand something. I will make the wrong decision. I will say something poorly. I will disappoint somebody. I will need another chance. I will need someone to remember the totality of who I am instead of reducing me to one moment.

And when that day comes...I hope grace meets me there. So I want to practice giving it now. Not because everybody deserves access to me. Not because every relationship should be restored. Not because accountability doesn't matter.

But because I don't want somebody else's behavior deciding the condition of my heart.

Read that again. I don't want somebody else's behavior deciding the condition of my heart.

I want to remain tender. I want to remain teachable. I want to remain compassionate. I want to remain forgiving. I want to remember where I came from. And above everything else...I want to remember how to love.

So today's Soul Stir isn't really about the person you're having difficulty forgiving. It's about you. Who are you becoming because of what happened? Are you becoming harder? More judgmental? More cynical? Or are you becoming wiser without losing your tenderness?

That's the work. So before we climb onto our high horses today... Let's remember: You weren't always who you are now. Neither was I. Somebody was patient with us. Somebody taught us. Somebody forgave us. Somebody believed there was more to us than what they were seeing at the moment.

And above all...Grace found us. Maybe today...it's our turn to extend some. Let that stir your soul.

With love,

Angela Carr Patterson
Awakening Humanity Through Visionary Women™